We Know More About Mental Health, So Why Are Our Schools Such a Mess? Effective Discipline – Balancing Empathy, Structure, and Accountability

We Know More About Mental Health, So Why Are Our Schools Such a Mess? Effective Discipline – Balancing Empathy, Structure, and Accountability

Healing Children, LLC

Introduction

At Healing Children, LLC, we believe children grow best in environments that consider their emotional developmental stages, structure, connection, and safety. As many schools shift toward trauma-informed, restorative approaches and reward-based systems, a critical balance is often lost. Empathy without boundaries leads to entitlement and chaos.

Despite growing awareness of mental health, trauma, and emotional healing, troubling trends continue to rise. Rates of drug overdose, teen suicide, school violence, and violence towards teachers are increasing. Academic performance is declining. Schools are facing cultural, systemic, and safety challenges that make it harder to manage behavior and foster student growth. When disruptive behavior is left unaddressed, it begs the question: Are we creating a secondary trauma for both peers and educators, who are exposed to ongoing chaos, aggression, and unpredictability?

This paper presents our perspective, supported by current research on the rationale for Healing Discipline, including current trends and a historical perspective on what works, what does not, and how to move forward with discipline systems that promote healing, support emotional maturity, and foster academic growth.

In short, this paper addresses the dangers of imbalanced reform, offers a developmental approach that incorporates teacher and parent input, grounded in accountability and connection, and outlines how Healing Discipline supports student growth and school safety.

The Shift in Discipline

Traditional models of discipline focused on exclusionary practices (employing detentions, suspensions, and expulsions) (Skiba et al., 2014). Many believed this created the “school-to-prison pipeline” (a term coined in the early 2000s); therefore, many school districts removed exclusionary discipline. The focus shifted almost entirely to prevention and reward systems (Skiba & Losen, 2015; NCSL, 2021).

Since the early 2000s, more schools have been embracing Trauma-Informed Practices, Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports (PBIS), and Restorative Practices, which aim to reward desired behavior, build relationships, and repair harm through dialogue and reflection (Gregory et al., 2016). As we have become more trauma informed we have experienced unintended consequences, such as decreased accountability, overreliance on rewards, and a tendency to make assumptions or excuses for misbehavior. In many cases, this has created an environment where adults feel they are not permitted to enforce discipline out of fear of triggering a child’s trauma. The result is a rise in behavioral challenges due to a lack of clear boundaries, stalled emotional development, and a pattern of co-dependency, where adults take on the responsibility of managing a child’s behavior instead of helping the child learn to manage it themselves.

Studies and System Breakdowns

A growing body of research highlights the consequences of removing structure and accountability without offering meaningful alternatives. In Philadelphia, a study examined the effects of reducing zero-tolerance policies. They found that when out-of-school suspensions for violent misconduct were reduced or restricted, the overall suspension rate remained unchanged. However, grave misconduct and truancy increased, and student achievement in math and English declined (Lacoe & Steinberg, 2018).

Broader reviews of trauma-informed practices reveal a troubling pattern: in the effort to become more sensitive to student adversity, many schools have unintentionally removed the very elements—clear rules, consistent consequences, and adult authority—that promote safety and growth. Consequences are often avoided out of fear of being too harsh or from misplaced sympathy. The result has been broken trust, inconsistent expectations, and a collapse of the structure necessary for emotional and behavioral development. Educators report feeling unsupported and overwhelmed, especially as student aggression, chronic disruption, and disengagement rise (Lacoe & Steinberg, 2019; Skiba, Arredondo, & Williams, 2014). Due to these changes, a “new pipeline” emerges—not to prison via traditional exclusion, but to long-term harm through chronic misbehavior left unaddressed: teachers burn out or leave, vulnerable students lose faith in school as a safe place, and many youth ultimately face legal consequences outside of school as behavior escalates.

Impact in the School Setting

These system-level breakdowns are not theoretical—they are impacting real schools, real teachers, and real students. Espelage et al. (2013) documented a national rise in violence against teachers, especially verbal and physical aggression. As systems falter, the impact is visible:

• Violence Against Teachers: Verbal and physical aggression toward teachers has sharply increased since the pandemic. Surveys show 80% of teachers have experienced verbal abuse and 56% have experienced physical violence (APA, 2022; Malatras, 2024).
• Discipline Concerns: In 2019, 49% of teachers reported that discipline is less effective than it was a few years ago, and 57% said students know there are no real consequences (Griffith & Tyner). In 2025, 72% of educators reported an increase in classroom misbehavior, ranging from minor disruptions to serious incidents (Sand).
• Teacher Burnout: In a survey of over 8,000 educators, 63% considered leaving the profession due to safety concerns (WSB-TV, 2024).
• Academic Decline: Reading and math scores have dropped to historic lows. For example, 13-year-olds in 2023 scored at levels not seen since the 1970s. Students of color, those with disabilities, and low-income youth have seen the steepest declines (NCES, 2023).

In summary, students are noticing the lack of follow-through, which undermines adult authority, a crucial factor in bringing out-of-control behavior under control. Additionally, safety concerns are driving dedicated teachers out of the profession. When structure is removed in the name of empathy, student behavior and academics often deteriorate (Jacobson, 2025). In our experience, when children observe other children misbehaving without consequences, social contagion is reinforced, thereby increasing the likelihood of misbehavior and violence.

Societal Mental Health Challenges

Many young people today are struggling—not just in school, but in life as well. Although national surveys show that there is a decline in teens using alcohol, marijuana, or other drugs regularly, the dangers are still increasing. Overdose deaths are rising, especially due to fentanyl, which can be deadly even with a small or one-time use (Gaither, 2023). While national surveys indicate overall declines in adolescent drug use, many school-based health professionals are struggling with on-campus substance abuse. In a March 2023 survey by the EdWeek Research Center, 56% reported that student marijuana use remains a challenge or major challenge in their district, and 67% reported similar concerns with tobacco or vaping-related behaviors (Langreo, 2023).

Teen suicide is another serious concern. Rates were steady from the 1950s through the 1980s but began rising in the late 1990s. While recent years have shown slight improvements—especially for girls aged 10–14—these gains are not seen across all groups.

The numbers are especially alarming for youth of color. For example:

• Suicide among American Indian and Alaska Native preteens (ages 8–12) nearly doubled between 2001 and 2022 (Wiggins et al., 2023).
• Suicide among Black adolescents rose 144% from 2007 to 2020 (Pew Charitable Trusts, 2024).
• Asian and Pacific Islander teens now face suicide as the leading cause of death (Choi et al., 2024).

Despite our increased knowledge in mental health, our youth are struggling more than ever.

The Healing Children Framework: Structure, Relationship, and Accountability

Here is how the Healing Children model tackles these challenges directly. When chronic misbehavior arises, we focus on the root cause—whether trauma, attachment issues, or a history of lacking boundaries. We recognize that chronic misbehavior reflects an emotional maturity gap. Often, the child either manipulates adults to avoid consequences, the adults struggle to follow through, or lack the energy, know-how, or support to address the behavior effectively. Our approach strikes a balance between consistent accountability and genuine efforts to connect and build a trusting relationship with the student.

At Healing Children, LLC, we do not rely on bribes, rewards, or superficial conversations to address the child’s dysfunctional behavior. We teach a different kind of discipline — a Healing Environment – one that blends structure, consistency, and connection. One that supports long-term growth and maturity.

Discipline is effective only when it aligns with how children grow and develop. This means considering their stage of maturity—drawing on frameworks like Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development and Foster Cline’s Stages of Conscience Development—as well as understanding how trauma and entitlement influence their thinking and behavior. As detailed in Healing Discipline: Hope for Shattered Lives, children thrive in structured environments where adults lead with connection, consistency, and calm authority (Glover & Weaver, 2021).

Being trauma-informed does not mean being consequence-free. Rather, it means aligning consequences to match a child’s developmental level, especially when trauma has stalled their emotional maturity and affected their behavior. We strive to understand how trauma has shaped the child’s behavior, self-perception, and worldview. From there, we determine the balance of structure and freedom the child needs and apply appropriate accountability.

At the same time, we collaborate with the child and their family to help them understand what is necessary to overcome the effects of trauma. Most importantly, we guide the child in making sense of their own story so they can begin to take ownership of their behavior and start the process of emotional and mental healing. This requires educators to exercise sensitivity while maintaining clear boundaries that prevent inappropriate behavior in the classroom or toward others.

When children have experienced trauma, and adults are unafraid to address its impact while holding the child accountable, the child feels safe, and with safety comes the possibility of emotional maturity. This not only improves behavior but also encourages students to take school more seriously, thereby improving academic outcomes.

When misbehavior occurs, there must be consequences and accountability. Without them, growth and maturity cannot take place. Children develop by experiencing firm, consistent boundaries and watching adults model them in everyday life. Over time, this teaches them to set boundaries for themselves and with others. In essence: “I was not allowed to treat others this way—so I do not allow others to treat me that way either.”

Recommendations for Schools

To make improvements in education, we recommend that schools adopt a developmentally aligned Healing Discipline approach that incorporates the strategies outlined in the Healing Children model. Specifically:

• Training in child development, trauma, entitlement, and how emotional regulation is built over time, not just behavior management techniques. Educators need to understand that some students are emotionally younger than their chronological age and require structure that matches their developmental needs.
• Schools should utilize tools, such as the “Think It Over” form, along with routines, high expectations, and clear consequences, to reinforce structure and promote reflection.
• Focus on building internal motivation, not just compliance. This means using consistent consequences to promote cause-and-effect thinking and guiding students to connect their behavior with its impact on themselves and others.
• Engage students in solution-based conversations that allow them to reflect, share their thoughts, participate in problem-solving, and build self-awareness and ownership.
• Use structured resets, like the 5-minute plan, where the child can regain self-control, reconnect, and return ready to follow the original direction and rejoin the learning environment.
• Structure the classroom environment to match a child’s current level of emotional maturity and development. This might involve reducing freedom, increasing supervision, or limiting choices until the child demonstrates knowledge, self-control, skills, and judgment that show they are ready for more independence (Levy 2023).
• Maintain accountability with empathy, avoiding lectures, warnings, or threats. Adults must remain calm, emotionally grounded, and consistent, modeling adult self-control and emotional regulation.
• Use of Questions instead of lectures.
• Prioritize relationship-building and connection by using strategies such as maintaining warm eye contact, displaying genuine smiles, employing appropriate physical touch (when culturally and contextually appropriate), and incorporating humor. They communicate, “You matter, and I am not giving up on you.”
• Encourage rather than bribe. Children need to hear that their effort, resilience, and growth matter more than momentary performance. Encouragement fosters self-worth and lasting motivation.
• Finally, support teachers with practical systems and a whole-team approach. No teacher should be expected to manage complex behavioral and emotional challenges on their own. A school team (counselors, behavior support, administrators, co-teachers, parents) working together is essential for sustainable success.

Conclusion: Accountability Heals

When children know where the line is — and know we will hold it with love — they feel safer, not restricted. When we model emotional maturity while upholding firm boundaries, we not only manage behavior but also teach resilience and model for children how to establish healthy boundaries with others.

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